elusive, exclusive, ivory tower academy

You know what I'm talking about. You aren't really too excited to go out, but you do. You "take one for the team." And so tonight I went out to support my lovely friends' band, (which is great, by the way) but I just wasn't up for it. And I'll tell you why (of course).

1) It was an 'off' night. I was expecting certain things to happen that didn't. I thought that this guy that I dig a little would be there. I thought that I'd get a chance to hang out with one of my best friends. No surprises. But when I got to the club, the boy was not there, the best friend was kinda wasted, and as a result, I couldn't talk to her about much of anything. Also, there were *so* many worlds of acquaintances colliding (people visiting from out of town, people that live waaaay uptown, people from law school) that I couldn't introduce everyone to one another/catch up properly with anyone, and it was kinda awkward (at least in my warped mind). Basically, nothing was happening in the comfortable, predictable way that I'd been counting on to bring me out of my funk.

2) I found out today that one of the classes that I'd worked really, really hard at and thought I'd done very well in, did not give me my first longed for A. It made me pretty sad that I didn't get the A, but I think it's worse that I care so much. I've always worked very hard in order to get the good grades, get the scholarships, get into the good middle school, high school, college, law school, and I did it all. Perhaps this elite school is a bit out of reach for me, too much to handle. Crap. I mean, I'm whining, but I guess I know I'm lucky? The name value of the school alone should be enough for me to go on and do whatever I want to do with my lawyering skills (or so I've been told; does anyone else out there feel like a whole lot of people LIED about what law school would be?) But seriously. What exactly is this all for? What is my purpose?